


i miss u

by goldveines



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-20
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-09 23:55:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8918566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goldveines/pseuds/goldveines
Summary: Kevin goes into a depressive spiral when Riko dies - one that Andrew and Neil are unable to pull him from, but not unable to help him through.aka: Kevin exits rehab and spends the holidays reacquainting with Andrew and Neil. A part of the Holiday Kandreil Challenge.





	1. Snow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kevin’s grief for Riko really sends him over the edge with his drinking. Details of it are discussed later this week, but currently he is exiting rehab from these stints and discovering Andrew and Neil again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> see [HERE](http://quexnk.tumblr.com/post/154707090858/day-2-of-the-holiday-exchange-a-little-early-for) for the moodboard that accompanies this chapter.

“I was wrong,” he says to Neil, “You are not the biggest pain in my ass; He is,” he says it with a slight movement in his shoulders to indicate Kevin. Andrew grumbles the rest into his coat, the twin to Neil's beside him, but Kevin still understands it, “Middle of a goddamn snowstorm and his highness deigns to be picked up.”

He feels the familiar tug in his chest that makes him want to draw nearer to Andrew, the feeling that says _I will hold you up._ It takes him by brutal surprise. He hadn’t felt it a couple months ago, or maybe hadn’t wanted to.

He considers to act on the overwhelming feeling, but decides against it, both because they stand in fragile pieces and because it’s rare that Andrew accept the affection Kevin wants to show. He settles for a simple look, a look that Andrew reacts to by staring back.

Neil knows well enough that neither will stop, so he interrupts, “Get your shit, Day.” Neil’s got a smirk sprawled across his face that, because of his scars, looks cruel, though Kevin sees the bright look in his eyes and knows that this is not the impossibility he thought it might be.

He’s not ignorant, nor is he blindingly hopeful. Andrew doesn’t take apologies and Neil doesn’t ask that Andrew do. Kevin prepared himself for he eventuality of his boys picking him up and leaving him with Wymack, probably. He prepared himself with the eventuality that his boys would be cold and unrelenting in their malice - not as if he hadn’t seen Andrew and Neil be woefully unforgiving before.

“Yeah, yeah,” he says when he rounds his spot to get his bag from the closet. It’s an old Trojan’s fan bag, worn and faded at the stress points and overfilled with the goal of fitting everything in one bag. The zipper doesn’t meet for a few inches at the end due to its over-capacity, but it manages well enough.

Kevin grabs his coat, laying atop the bag, and slips it on over his shoulders, then the bag. Setting aside the fact that right now Andrew and Neil are here, it feels good to be leaving, to be going home.

He takes the few steps it takes back to Andrew and Neil and stops, none of them moving but instead waiting. He doesn’t know what for until Andrew grabs Kevin’s dangling hand. He just holds on, their palms touching.

“Come on, Day. Didn’t you know it’s snowing?” He tugs on Kevin’s hand a little and leads out of the room, “I’m sure as hell not digging us out if we get stuck.” Kevin doesn’t mention that it would take a lot to get Andrew’s SUV stuck, especially with such little time for accumulation.

Andrew stays by Kevin’s side not speaking but not letting go while Neil finishes all the paperwork for release.

Though Kevin had never been in the circumstance before, he had figured release from rehab would be a larger ordeal - or perhaps Andrew and Neil had ensured it wasn’t? he wonders how it was for Andrew a few years ago. Regardless, Neil spends a staggering five minutes filling out release forms before the three of them exit the front doors. He immediately looks to the ground because he hates blinking snow; his eyes are too sensitive and he always ends up crying. He can feel the snow fall between his hairline and his coat, melting once it hits his skin. Much like the rest of him, his neck is cooling at an exceptional rate. Luckily, the parking lot isn’t exactly full, and Andrew is parked right in the front.

Because he’s holding Andrew’s hand, he stays on the driver’s side of the car so that he can sit in the back. Neil is about to diverge to the other side of the car before Kevin catches his wrist to halt him. He stares at a pile of slush at his feet and says, “It’s been a while.” The other half of the sentence goes unspoken, _It’s been a while since I’ve been here, present._

Neil’s fingers move to brush Kevin’s pulse and he replies, “Missed you.”

The ride is in companionable silence, one unique to Andrew's person. Kevin spends most of it listening to the sound of the freeway and contemplating the surprising care with which Andrew drives. It makes him smile quietly to himself.

They pull up to the apartment and Kevin's breath falters a little. He can hear the roar of blood in his ears, but it changes quickly into the sound of sirens. Andrew's door slamming shakes it from him and causes him to look to the front. Andrew hadn't gotten out, but had slammed the door to focus Kevin on something else. Kevin's eyes turn soft and Andrew opens the door again, this time to exit. He always has to hop a little seeing as the car is so far from the ground for him; Neil does too, but it's slightly less exaggerated.

Kevin grabs his bag as he slides out and nearly slips on ice when his feet hit the ground - karma, probably, for his internal comment on Andrew and Neil. He's thankful for the car's proximity, because it catches him on his near-slip. He hears a stifled laugh from Neil and shoots a glare his way. He's sure to roll his steps evenly on the pathway to the door.

One look down sends a bubble of laughter from Kevin, "Which one decided it was time to explore?" There are two distinct paw prints in the snow right outside their door where a cat very clearly thought to go outside in the snow. 

"Sir," Andrew answered while turning the key in the lock. 

The door sticks in the cold and Andrew has to give a shove for it to fully swing open. Their apartment hadn't been sought out for it's lavish ways, but rather their own ticks that had to be supplied for. These small things had just become a characteristic of familiarity and comfort among them, such as the door sticking in the winter months. These things both help and hurt Kevin's current perception. They feel like opening a wound he's been trying to heal for the past few months. They feel like breathing again. 

He sets his bag in the dining room on the way to the kitchen. The kitchen has one doorway and counters on two and a half of the walls. One wall is occupied by the fridge and, to the right, the stove. Above the sink in the very back is a window to the outside. One thing he notices on first glance, though, is the emptiness of their booze shelf. (Nicky refused to call it anything different when he visited, and it slowly stuck.) He feels Andrew coming up behind him, but Andrew doesn't comment on Kevin's hesitation on the threshold of the Kitchen. He merely steps around him and opens the fridge to retrieve a water.

He passes Kevin again to leave and advises simply, "Eat something." So he does. He rummages the fridge and finds celery in the back alongside other vegetables that Andrew likely shoved there for Kevin. He grabs the celery and dip to eat at the kitchen counter. Leaning against it and eating slowly, Kevin watches the snow accumulate outside the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll be updating this tomorrow! Up next: free day  
> \--  
> Day 1: Red and Green  
> Day 2: Snow  
> Day 3: Free Day  
> Day 4: Mistletoe  
> Day 5: Gift


	2. Free Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Resolution for Kevin, Andrew, and Neil's relationship.

Kevin's first night home is spent acclimating to his few month absence. Later once the sun has set, he showers. It's comforting to look over to their shared amenities on the shower shelves rather than those allotted to him in rehab. Though patients were allowed what their family brought them - to the constraints of the rehab's codes - Andrew and Neil had not visited Kevin in his two month stay. He's not sure it was so much punishment for himself rather than a distance that Andrew needed, and perhaps Neil as well. It's not to say that they left Kevin for his lonesome for two months, but that they didn't see one another face to face. On more than one occasion the staff made personal reference to either Andrew or Neil. At the time it felt like a distinct separation that he had done this to them. Even now, under the pulsing of the water on his back, he feels a deep sorrow in his gut for the aversion. 

He shuts the water off and his back feels like the water still pounds on it, he can see in the mirror that it's a bright red compared to the rest of him. He also sees the difference in himself now and himself two months ago. Even with his eating habits, his body was diminished by his habits. Kevin, then, had looked pale and his face seemed to stretch gaunt over his cheekbones. He had found it hard to hold his body to its normal standard on the court even. Now he knows his body can hold to those standards because after a near month without progress, he began moving forward - and started working in the gym at the center. 

He leaves the bathroom, towel wrapped around his waist, and into their connecting bedroom. Andrew and Neil aren't in yet, so Kevin changes in the room. He still isn't sure where the lines are, only that he needs to rediscover them. He grabs the first things in his drawer, a Coke-a-Cola sweatshirt and a pair of black joggers. He's surrounded by familiar sensations, the feel of these clothes and the smell of this shampoo and the soft carpet beneath his feet. 

He's left the worry of wondering whether he's welcome in their room tonight because there are two comforting shadows filling the room. Andrew and Neil enter one after the other and come to stand with Kevin by his dresser. They do so much as to push into his space, causing him to step behind him until his back hits the dresser. 

"Slowly," Andrew starts, quiet but not without strength, "Slowly we'll find this again." Andrew leans into Kevin and finds the pulse throbbing at his neck. He lets his lips brush right there and leaves his forehead resting in the open space. Kevin hears the shaky breath that escapes him before his attention is brought to Neil. 

Neil, too, leans in to Kevin. He lips leave a burning sensation at the corner of his jaw. Neil turns his head to mumble into the shell of his ear, "Come on."

Their bed is king sized to accommodate the width of three people, regardless of how small two of the occupants may be. They seem to pull one another to the bed, not losing the contact of their bodies but content to remain with the little that they have. Andrew and Neil pull Kevin beneath the covers and settle on either side of him, creating an alcove of sorts. They face inwards to Kevin and each let their hands find a small strip of skin to worry at with swiping thumbs. 

For a while, he spends his time lazily switching his glance between his boys, his heart feeling two sizes too large. His eyes search and drink in every inch that he's been missing: the fine stubble on Andrew's jaw, the criss-cross scars on Neil's knuckles, the spattered freckles across Andrew's cheeks, and the variations to Neil's auburn hair. It feels like sensory overload in the best of ways. Eventually, though his eyelids become heavy and his thoughts are muddled. He defers to their usual sleeping position, Kevin and Neil entangled chest to chest with Andrew at Kevin's back, forehead at his shoulder. 

He thinks of every night in the previous two months that he spent in a twin bed, alone save for the cushion of comforters and pillow. How hollow it felt compared to this. He falls asleep feeling whole finally, after months of missing pieces. 

He wakes to the regrettable feeling of an empty bed. Andrew and Neil have never been the late and heavy sleepers that Kevin is, but regardless of this knowledge misses their presence. A glance to the clock beside the bed tells him it's just after noon. Andrew and Neil have been up for hours, probably. He wonders if, despite the weather, Neil will go running with him. 

It takes nearly fifteen minutes to drag himself from bed, and more time to make his way to the living room. His feet drag across the carpet with minimal picking up. On the couch watching the news he finds Andrew and Neil sitting, their legs crossed together at the knee. 

"Mornin'," even to his own ears it sounds groggy. 

"Afternoon," Neil corrects brightly.

He smiles tightly to indicate his feelings about the morning and moves to the kitchen for coffee. While it gurgles to life he calls to the living room, "I was going to go for a run later, care to join?" He peaks his head out to ensure he was heard over their gross infatuation with the headlines. He was. 

"Not," Andrew answers for both of them, "today." Kevin frowns just enough for him to elaborate the immediate denial, "There are things to be discovered first, things to be seen at face-value." He says it a little tightly and a little too calmly all at once. It says _We are going to talk about you, and we are going to talk about the past few months._

He's wary. Wary of whether he should be glad to finally say the things he needs to, or wary of whether he should be hesitant to discuss. He decides with the former because Andrew and Neil had always been especially partial to filling in his broken parts and finding them without loss of their quiddity. He quantifies this with a, "Coffee, first."

The three of them go to the porch for it. It entails them bundling up due to the unlawful degree of cold and two more cups of steaming coffee being made. They stand and lean against the railing, their forearms straight in front of them and touching one another at the elbows. It's the best Andrew will give Kevin to take away from the confrontational aspect of it all. 

Neil begins, taking a deep drag from his cigarette that makes the cherry glow bright, "We just want--Christ," another drag and he starts differently, "We all agreed to rehab, clearly, but..." Kevin is not the only one without the words to form the thoughts filling his head.

Andrew, however, has never been particularly lacking for words and provides, "It was fucked," between his cigarette.

"Sounds accurate," Kevin replies in a breath. 

"It was fucked," Andrew continues, "And 'slow' can't happen until fucked is officially past tense - and don't give me some bullshit about how 'we're always fucked', because you know sure as hell the line between the two." Andrew's angry, but not spitting his words out. He's choosing them carefully.

"Two months, Kevin. We can't - We showed up, all the time," Neil says, and Kevin hates the way his voice sounds thick, "You didn't want to see us. We stopped trying to see you after a few weeks and just came for updates." They work in tandem; Andrew continues Neil's story line. 

"Clearly you're infinitely better for the stay, but we want to know where it all stands with you. All of it." He means to say, _Don't fuck around and skip Riko's place in this all._

He watches the twin plumes of smoke rise and entangle from Andrew and Neil for a long time. He wants to say something that manages to encompass what he means with what they want. He ends up with something that feels choppy, but manages well enough.

"I still grieve for him. I know I shouldn't, but I do. I do not, however," it feels both good and guilty to say this, "feel so raw about it. I haven't--," he stumbles and tries to pick up his sentence from the mix of shame and pride he feels, "You know that stats, sober two months and counting." Drinking to escape had always been an active hobby of Kevin's and saying it's not a part of him anymore feels like admitting loss of his own self, but the very sentence itself insights a feeling of marvel at himself. 

"Slow?" Neil confirms to no one in particular. There's a moment of peaceful silence before Kevin and Andrew chime in accompanying 'slow's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, I'll be updating tomorrow! Up next: mistletoe ;)


	3. Mistletoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go to a party

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short! I'm very sick and I had three performances today, so this is the result

Kevin thinks it's a turbulent request on Nicky's part, but what better time to reacquaint himself with the rest of their crowd than a holiday party. Andrew had said no on principle, presumably not wanting Kevin around alcohol so tempting. Eventually, after much begging and bartering on behalf of the rest of them, Andrew agreed on the condition that alcohol doesn't come out until after they leave. Kevin's still trying to figure out if Andrew will ever allow himself to drink around Kevin, not that he'd dare to test any of the careful balance he built over nearly three months. 

Neil sets out three ugly sweaters on the bed for them, one of them especially heinous - the one Andrew grabs. It's covered in sewn-on tinsel, bulbs, and it lights up. Kevin's is clear, seeing as it's much larger than Andrew or Neil's. It has a cross-stitch Jesus on it that dons the caption "Life of the Party". Neil grabs the last sweater, a blue one with white stitched patterns that vary in a terrible fashion. 

The party's at Renee's house and on the way there Neil manages to tune into a Christmas station without Andrew changing it. He celebrates this by humming lightly to the songs he recognizes - there's always a few modern ones that catch him by surprise. Occasionally Kevin chimes in with alternate lyrics because he can. 

Renee's whole place is decked out to the nines, lights around her gutters and lawn decorations placed precariously in the snow. It's inside of the house glows outwards so that when they pull up the whole lawn is clear. They file up the pathway to the front door and Renee is already there opening the door. From the sounds that swell out into the yard, they are not the first to arrive. 

"Hey guys," she smiles and steps aside for them to enter. They all claim their hellos, Neil hugging Renee and Renee provides, "Drinks and food are in the kitchen - best of luck fighting Nicky for it."

They take off their coats and set them on the stack of other coats piling up by the door. Stepping out of the breezeway and into the living room illicit many "nice sweaters" and "How did you get him to wear it?"

Kevin grabs a water from the kitchen and finds a spot next to Allison. They've never been particularly tight, but never more than a 'hello' away from an in depth conversation. She talks about her boyfriend, Jason is his name, and their recent vacation to Tennessee to visit his family.

He laughs when she says that, "is he a hick," it comes out more laugh than word, but she understands and punches him lightly on the shoulder. 

"No, you idiot, he is not. I'll have you know he is nothing but a perfect gentleman - and not a hick." She says it with a smile too. 

Neil sits by him and Allison a little later after he talks with Matt. Allison fills Neil in on the latest developments with her and Steve's relationship. Kevin takes the liberty of adding in, "So in sum, a born and bred Southern gentleman," in his very best trashy accent. Neil actually snorts. He rests a hand on Kevin's thigh while he bends over a little with the exertion of laughing so hard. He takes pleasure in watching the creases form on his face and the breathless sighs that come from Neil quieting down. 

"That was," Neil says a little breathless, "fucking awful."

"I'm sorry, did you say 'sexy'," he says again in the accent. 

"Dare you to talk to Andrew with that, see if he leaves you here tonight," Allison says with an eyebrow raised. It's the kind of dare that Kevin is pleasant enough not to ignore. 

He finds Andrew in the kitchen talking to Matt. When he comes in the doorway Andrew's eyes find Kevin's but he continues talking to Matt. He hears brief mention of Neil's name and figures Matt is asking after the three of them (mostly Neil. Matt's always had a soft spot for Neil.). He waits a moment for a break in their conversation, busying himself with eating chips from the bag in front of him on the counter, and clears his throat. 

Andrew flicks his eyes to him in feigned annoyance and it prompts him, "Darlin'," already he sees Andrew's deadpan look overcome him, "I reckon you out to go tell Allison I've won this one."

"Fucking unbelievable," Andrew mutters, but does move to do just that. Dares and bets were a serious thing among the prior foxes, and no amount of foolishness could be done to discount that. Kevin follows after to see it out, but they don't make it through the kitchen doorway before Nicky is barreling towards them with mild squeaking. 

"Mistletoe!" He's grinning nearly ear to ear and pointing above their heads. "Everyone has been carefully entering the kitchen all night, but I finally got someone," he drags out the last word in exasperation. Nicky knows very well that if Andrew were adverse to this, he would walk away - Kevin knows this too, which is why he's shocked when Andrew doesn't. Instead, he turns to face Kevin. 

Because of the ruckus Nicky created, the whole gang has their eyes on Kevin and Andrew. Neil is watching from his spot on the couch and he is smiling a very small smile that Kevin finds rather promising. 

"I don't need my cousin in my face for it, so pick your battle," Andrew says, which is very much a 'yes' in their terms. 

Nicky giddily steps back and Andrew steps forward. It's not intense, nor is it long. It's little more than a peck, just their lips meeting and eyes closing while Andrew's hand snakes around the back of Kevin's neck to pull him down. It's still enough for Nicky to give an obnoxious, "Awwww;"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yes, kevin's sweater is a legit thing - my sister owns it. up next (another late update probs): gift.
> 
> It is undecided whether this will be nsfw or not, so be sure to check the updated archive warnings before reading the next chapter)


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christmas day, a short finale to the i miss u series

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it is a week late! I caught a terrible case of the flu!

Christmas is a rather quiet affair, none of them managing to to much more than a small gift to the other. Andrew cooks them breakfast and throughout the day they disperse their carefully wrapped presents. Kevin’s looks like a dog mangled it, mostly because he’s terrible at wrapping. He gave up after the second attempt and made it a tootsie roll wrap rather than a box. It required many rounds of tape on either end that looks heinous. Andrew and Neil are not so terrible in their presentation, especially considering any pale in comparison to Kevin's. 

Kevin gives Andrew an artfully redone cover of _War and Peace_ and a book about the making of the original series of _Star Trek_. Andrew doesn’t say thank you, but he does grab a few of Kevin’s fingers and squeeze. Kevin gives Neil a photo album that the rest of the foxes had helped him start and Neil hugs him and lets out a very quiet and meaningful, “Thank you,” into his neck.

Andrew gives Kevin a chip. It’s support, which, from Andrew, feels overwhelming in a very good way. Not necessarily that it’s new, but that it’s continuous. Because they are sitting on the couch when Andrew gives it to him, he can reach Kevin’s temple to leave a kiss there, and then his lips. He gives Neil an I-pod, “So you can stop cluttering my car with your shit taste.”

Neil gives Andrew a baseball cap that reads ‘move i’m gay’. They all know that Andrew likely won’t wear it, but it’s the kind of gag gift that belongs in Andrew’s lot. He gives Kevin tickets to a new exhibit opening at the history museum in the city. 

They spend the evening rather quietly and order Chinese take-out, because it’s the only thing open. They eat gathered around each other on the floor, legs haphazardly thrown together in the middle of their circle. They smile and laugh full laughs. They touch and kiss sloppily. 

Andrew goes to the bedroom later and pulls the comforter from the bed. He drags it down the hallway behind him and to where Kevin and Neil lay on the living room floor. It’s warm beneath the blanket and tangled together. It’s quiet and Kevin can hear their skin brushing and the way they kiss. 

They fall asleep like this and they wake up to kinks in their necks and aches in their spines, but they wake up warm and pleasant nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading, you can find me on tumblr [@quexnk](http://quexnk.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> Day 1 was a playlist for the months prior to this chapter, when Kevin was spiraling/in the beginning of rehab, and can be found [HERE](http://8tracks.com/icarxus/i-miss-u).


End file.
